You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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