My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
