your parents love me but you hate me
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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