I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
