She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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