So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
