My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
