I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
