i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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