are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
