At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She announced her abortion via fbk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
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