last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
