I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What a dumb baby whore.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
