While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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