I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
