I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize