god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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