Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
