he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
