I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize