remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
