A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
They took my balls.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
