The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so let's talk penis.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
