I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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