what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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