Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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