I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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