Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want to be your penis for a week.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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