porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
