This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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