hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My liver just had a heart attack.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
