I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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