we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize