the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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