You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
