I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
