Barsexuality is the new black.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
