i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
