Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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