I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
