When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize