careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
