Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize