your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
