I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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