I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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