i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
