does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
