I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
