Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
