I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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