1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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