Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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