Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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