Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
