i need an iv and a liver transplant
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There r osticjed everywhere
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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