Screwed.edu
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I can't put those talents on a resume
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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