dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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