I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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