So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
